Headphones

Make sure your headphones are visible... people assume the worst!

Having head phones on makes you feel so detached from the world and everyone... which i love... however you never know how loud your burps and farts are... you dont know which category it was in...1)no one know anything, 2)no one heard but all know its you, 3)heard but it was so soft that you laugh it off , or 4)just rude and disgusting!... so there you are doing fart detective work on the spot... gauging the extent of the damage... you have to come up with a diagnosis soon or you just have to go for the full apology and cover all the scenarios! but it sucks doing a full apology and you only done a 1)!

i hate singing along to rap... cause i always remember weird parts of the song and to people im sitting next to it sounds like im a violent rain man! "Gun in the mouth/ rape/ child abuse/shoot em up/ murder!"


wank (whisper)

The Police

as a black young individual in South Africa, you get into a lot of run ins with the police. The other day i was racially profiled by a police officer... a police officer came over to me and asked whether i liked chicken... i was like FUCK YOU MAN... JUST BECAUSE IM BLACK DOESNT MEAN I LIKE CHICKEN!...

they always asking you questions like where you goimg, where coming from, who were you with... "why do you sound as though you want to go hang with me?


When police officers have harrassed you or whatver they claim that they had to do it because they are 3 armed suspects in the area... "DONT TELL ME THAT, IM STILL ON MY WAY HOME!... GIVE A LIFT?"

Everytime i see a blue flashing light i get a little nervous... I cant even enjoy a christmas light display anymore... Having said all this... if shit goes down the first number im calling is 10111!

WANK!

Grocery Shopping

Grocery shopping is always a weird experience for me. i always feel like the store is way too big... what are other people buying that i don't know about? why is there an entire aisle dedicated to pet food... a WHOLE aisle? HOW FUSSY CAN A DOG BE? iv seen a dog eat its own shit! i doubt it cares whether or not the the food has chicken gravy or beef chunks!...

i don't know how good a special really is... especially if you don't buy it often... "R7.99 a KG... how much is a KG? how much do i eat usually... is this a huge bargain? should i be loading a lot of these?... i don't know what a good butternut looks like... i know there are good and bad ones but i don't know the difference, i just feel around until people around me think that i know what I'm doing!

why do people leave their trolleys in the middle of the aisle... this is not your kitchen lady! there people around you trying to live... i wish there was a grocery police escort... "MOVE OUT OF THE WAY... WE TRYING TO GET TO THE HOT CROSS BUNS!"

i don't think eating in the store should be allowed... how hungry could you be? i did not really mind before but it seems people go for the messy foods and still carry on shopping, i don't appreciate it when my peaches taste like Pepper Steak Pies!!!

Wank!

Smoking

smoking is weird... its assumed that new smokers know what they doing... i think they freaking out! "THERS A FLAME REALLY CLOSE TO MY FACE... the margin for error is very small here... CAN I GET SOME GUIDANCE!..." but we all look down on them for a starting a habit that could kill them...

...yeah! smoking might kill me but do you know how many times it's saved my life? the government get millions from taxing smokers... "you enjoying the road or library?... pleasure!"

why is it that you cant have a beer without a smoke... it's as if Molboro is Castle's jealous ex and can never let you hang out with Castle alone "What you guys up to?!"

burning someone with your smoke is always awkward... no matter whose fault it was, the smoker is always is the douche bag... have you ever burnt someone and pretended that nothing happen... the trick is wiping the ash off them without them noticing (however, dont blame me if you've got a hole in your clothes.. it happens to me too)!!

Wank!

B'z

I hate bees... i feel that they just there to annoy people... iv never heard some say anything about bees that they like... yes they produce honey... i dont even like honey that much...i mean if sum1 was offering 2 get rid of the bees at the cost of honey..."WHERE DO I SIGN!"

if i never saw a bee again in my life... id be pretty happy...it doesnt help that there are people that are allergic 2 these things... now they have big egos an think they can fly around wherever they want..all up in our business and our cool drinks...

i see bees in cold drinks all the time but iv never heard of Fanta flavoured honey... they not even working they messing with you in their lunch break! coke can be addictive...especially if u have a little body...theres probably bee sugar and caffiene junkies flying outside right now...looking for their next fix...

Fuk Beez

FUK FONES

phones r getting WAY to advanced for my liking....i think a fone shud sms, phone an maybe have a radio... (Not an MP3 player)... I HATE MP3S AS RINGTONES...i dont like the thought of phoning someone for sum serious or sad news and they are on the other side of the phone dancing to their favourite track... now it seems like my fault that the guy was on a high and i gave him bad news....keep it neutral wen answering the phone!

"I dont like carrying much money around..."

well u got a R10000 phone on u... ALL THE TIME... i wud think u used to that type of pressure!

because of all these other features an shit.... people are getting attached 2 their phones... "Wot u mean i cant use my fone in the bank... wot if im doing a transaction with my bbm/twitter/facebook buddy?

Dry Lips!

i hate jhb...cause of da whole dry lips thing!...

if u dont use lip balm...ul have cracks in ur lip big enough 2 smuggle crack @ customs!

iv never used lipice regularly in my life.... i jus dont know how 2 apply lipice in a club without lookin like a raging metro... can sum1 show me!

whats the rule on sharing lipice... i dont know much bout lip balm etiquette but i dont want my lips 2 touch sum1 elses lips (if they not hot)....even indirectly!

can i buy flavoured lib balm...i mean is it ok to buy peach flavourd lipice?... what tropical fruits should i stay away from?

dont u hate those hard lip balms that dont smear on your lips, just come out in a big blob or when you twist and twist and the lipice doesnt come out!

Wank!